Brothers and Sisters the Word of the Day is...

Solidarity

It’s been over three months since I wrote anything for this blog. And now I am breaking my silence. It’s no secret that in terms of Homo sapiens I am a perfect specimen. Therefore, I can do things that the mere mortals cannot. I’m not talking about jumping over buildings, stopping speeding trains, or deflecting bullets. Those things are child’s play compared to what I can do. Although I can think of a handful of rappers that could have used the deflecting bullets talent, I digress.

Back to my hiatus, At this point most everyone is aware of the writers strike. Well one of my talents is I can see the future. I started striking in advance to show my support. Now, I know all three of my readers are asking the question “But, JDV you aren’t a member of the WGA, are you?” Excellent and very perceptive question, no I am not, but I am a writer and that my friends is where the word of the day comes in to play.

After my last post in July, I started to sense a disturbance in the force. I acquired this talent many years ago after watching the Star Wars trilogy repeatedly for three days straight. I liken it to Algebra; you never think you will need fractions but you will. Anyway, at first I thought this disturbance was being caused by the introduction of shitty new shows like The Bionic Woman. As the disturbance grew stronger I realized that it was the money-grubbing studios bullying my writing brethren by hanging them upside down and shaking the miniscule royalties they so deserved from their pockets. Without talented writers, we as entertainment hungry Americans would be forced to endure horrendous shows lacking substance. If you cannot picture that, imagine being forced to listen to a Poison record over and over again. See, it’s a real problem.

Studios are profiting from technology via online streaming of shows and DVD sales. The writers see none of this additional revenue. Need I remind you, without talented writers, it’s Look What the Cat Dragged In 24/7. It’s really no different from record companies profiting from the sales of overpriced cds and the artists seeing very little of the share.

I read an article the other day about file sharing. In the article the King of the Mushroom-Headed Hair, Gene Simmons declared that college kids should be jailed for downloading a few songs, going on to say that stealing songs was taking from the artists pockets. Not entirely true, it’s taking from the record companies pockets, who are bullying the artists just as the studios are shaking down the writers. A band makes money from the revenue of concert and merchandise sales. Only a fraction of the revenue generated from record sales goes to the artist. Gene Simmons would know this if he paid attention in Algebra class. I told you that fractions were important. Actually, Gene Simmons owns his own record company so he is not speaking for artists. He is speaking for the greedy bastards that are charging the same price for cds in 2007 as they charged twenty years ago.

Here’s the deal…let’s say you see the band, The Coke Bottle Ass Pluggers on a torrent site. And you think “Wow, great name, I wonder if they are any good?” You’re gun shy about going out and spending fifteen bucks on a cd because the last time you did that by name alone, the Anal Cunt cd you bought sucked. What do you do?

You, along with thousands other download the torrent. It turns out The Coke Bottle Ass Pluggers kick some serious Shaft ass, so you go to their show and buy that sweet ass T-shirt. You just gave fifty bucks to the artist and many people that downloaded the torrent liked it so much they went out and bought the overpriced cd. Now without the torrent no one would have listened to The Coke Bottle Ass Pluggers except Clay Aiken. Record Companies need to stop crying and fuck Gene Simmons too.

I got off on a tangent there, but the same thing applies to the royalties writers are owed. Solidarity my good people, walk side by side with the people that give you endless hours of escapism from nagging spouses and puking kids. So there you have it, that’s why I’ve been silent….

Did you buy that? OK, while all that is true, the word of the day isn’t “Solidarity”, it’s “Bamboozle.” I haven’t posted anything because I’ve been lazy. That’s my true talent. I fooled all three of you, don’t lie, and don’t frown, get down.