Darwin Was Wrong: Sgt. Pampers

Well, it has been about a week since I embarked on my journey to prove Darwin wrong. My eyes have seen unimaginable horrors. It’s been so bad at times that my retinas have practically begged me to stare into a solar eclipse. Look at the things I do for Science, I am a true humanitarian.

The first installment of Darwin Was Wrong is a grand slam. In fact, with this one post I completely disprove Darwin’s Theory of Evolution. Don’t worry, people are dense, and it takes a shitload of evidence to convince them, so my journey is just beginning. Without further ado,…I give you case study #1: “Diapers Are a Part of My Life”

I stumbled upon a picture that evoked hysterical nausea. Look!

I know what you’re going to ask…Why in the hell is Newt Gingrich dressed in Winnie the Pooh pj’s and sucking on a pacifier? I don’t know…but there is something more disturbing than that. You doubt me? OK, I admit it’s hard to beat an image of an adult man dressed like a three year old but have faith in me….

After perusing Huggy Bear’s Myspace friends list, I struck ghoulish gold. Apparently, there is a Myspace movement of diaper dandies. One idiot stood out in a room full of diaper clad “babies”. I call him Sgt. Pampers.

Let’s look at Sgt. Pampers’ bio….

About me:
I am a guy that feels safe and secure when wearing his diaper. I wear my diaper to bed, work, shopping, and everywhere I go. The answer to your questions is: I do wet my diaper when I wear no matter where I am at. Diapers are my underpants as much as possible. Much easier to take off a wet diaper than wet underpants and pants.

Well, I am glad he answered the 100,000-dollar question of “does he wet his diaper.” Seriously, what the fuck is this! This man is 43 years old and wears a diaper, ON PURPOSE. I have a friend who occasionally shits his pants when he farts and it’s funny but this is downright appendicitis inducing comedy. Indoor plumbing is not a new thing; this guy actually pisses in a diaper when he is fully capable of using a toilet. Darwin said what!





I wonder what happens if Sgt. Pampers goes a day or so without wearing a diaper? Don’t keep us in suspense any longer….

Wearing diapers has become such a part of me that if I go a few days with out wearing, I start to feel really down. I don't see anything wrong with wearing diapers. I am glad to look through myspace and see that there are others out there that like, have the need, or want to wear diapers.

I am lost with out my diaper on.

I swear to baby wipes Jesus I am not making this shit up. Obviously a few days without diapers is like a few days without caffeine minus the headache.

So, I wonder what a diaper dilemma consists of….hmmm…

Last Sunday I was down to my last diaper and had to go get some more. So during the day, I went to Walgreens because I was in a hurry and had to be somewhere. Went in looked for the Walgreens brand extra type grabbed them and went to the check out counter. Wouldn't you know it there was a line but I didn't care, I needed them. There was a lady with lots of things and then a little girl in front of me waiting to buy her own things. So here I am waiting there holding a bag of adult diapers with no concerns at all. No one said anything or even had a funny look about it. When it was time to pay, i handed them to the young girl working and she checked me out. I put them in my car and headed out to my meeting. Later on that evening, I needed to change so I got one out and went into a bathroom to change, little did I know but I bought the wrong size, I bought the XL size. Oh well to late now, so I put on the XL Diaper. Yes it was a much larger than what I needed but I needed to have a diaper on so what was I going to do.

Now that all I have are these XL size, I have been wearing them to work and everywhere I go. They make more noise than my normal size, but no one has noticed yet. I have to make sure I wear a shirt that will stay tucked in because my XL diapers stick up past my pants and I don't want anyone at work to see them. So far a week has gone by and no one has said anything. Next time I will pay more attention to the size and not be in such a hurry.

WOW! OK, I’m going to say something about them….you’re a goddamn grown man, stop wearing diapers, and use a fucking toilet. Hell, even sit down to pee if it makes you feel comfortable but stop with the damn diapers. You are contributing to downfall of society.

And to find out your biggest worry is whether the diaper is making noise or not is mind-boggling. Your biggest worry should be if the people around you can smell your nasty shitting your diaper ass.

Paging Darwin….