This is something that most men refuse to acknowledge but women are smarter than men. I know that’s a hard blow to male ego but the sooner you accept it the better off you will be. Now…don’t go questioning my ability to stand erect (yes pun intended). I have a backbone but I am also secure enough to accept that women are smart. Hell, the majority of the ditzy blondes know full well what they are doing and you know it works for them. They can get most men to give them anything they want. So I ask this question…who is the smart one in that equation?
OK on to the article I just read at askmen.com. It’s entitled “6 Ways to Tell Your Girl to Lose Some Weight.”, a better title would have been “Six Ways to End Up Penniless, Homeless and Alone.”
First of all there is no way to tell your girl she needs to lose some weight. If you love her so what if she adds on a few pounds. Newsflash….if she has put on some weight I am sure she already knows this without your subtle hints. Subtle hints will piss women off, trust me I know from experience…just get to the fucking point if you’re going to do it. I highly recommend though if you love this woman just accept the weight gain as a way of life. The majority of people add weight at some point in their lives. She doesn’t bitch about your sagging nuts does she?
Now that we have a little background let’s look at this idiot’s ways to tell a girl she needs to lose weight and cut past the bullshit of this article and get to the truth.
1- "I don't like the way that outfit looks on you anymore."
Every woman has a go-to getup. If you don't know it, you don't know her well enough to discuss her flabby stomach. The only thing that could ever change the way an outfit looks is the way it fits. Tell her you aren't sure why it looks odd, suggest a looser knit, and watch her forever skip the nachos with cheese.
This isn’t going to work and it’s going to be costly. Notice how this fool says she will skip the nachos…bullshit what she is going to do if you say something so asinine to her is take YOUR credit card and go buy about 5 new go-to getups. Why your card you ask , because you were stupid enough to think this shit would work…you deserve to pay 30 percent interest on that dumb shit.
2- "I can't get over how fat I feel."
Women have been commiserating with each other for eons about the thickness of their thighs. If you launch a pity-party of your own about how heavy you feel, and let her know at every turn, she'll become fat-obsessed by osmosis. Women have been doing it to each other since the dawn of public washrooms.
Ha! Yeah this is really going to work. First of all men well straight men do not go around complaining about feeling fat. What the fuck is this author smoking? If you launch a pity party it is going to turn her off for one thing. Second if you run around crying about feeling fat and you are but she isn’t saying anything to you about your weight gain that tells you something. Thirdly, if you whine about being fat constantly she may think you are cheating on her….with a MAN!
3- "Your friend isn't nearly as attractive since she gained that weight."
Be careful. Delivery is everything. Pick her homeliest friend and let your most outrageous BS fly. Pick an attractive pal, and you'll be explaining your wandering eye till you give her a ring. Focus on the improbable target, and she'll be thinking that if you find her bookworm buddy hefty, perhaps a diet should be on her docket.
Do I even need to address this one? This is like playing Russian roulette with five bullets in the gun. Take this advice and you deserve what you get. Picking her homeliest friend isn’t the answer…woman are constantly gauging the level of attractiveness of other women, including their friends. If you choose her “ugly” friend then she will think you will sleep with anything. If you are going to crash and burn at least choose the hot chick…Jesus Christ!
* Side Note* If you are stupid enough to try this approach understand that your woman already knows she has put on a little weight…so by you saying her friend is less attractive for it she knows you are saying she is less attractive as well…you’re welcome.
4- "I have a new female trainer at the gym."
She'll never suggest fewer trips to the gym, but it will drive her bonkers to think that another woman is spotting your squat thrusts. She'll sign up and show up within 24 hours just to keep an eye on you.
Again…ha! No way in hell this works. The only thing I have to say about this ridiculous approach is if you enjoy having sex with your woman do not follow this advice. You will not have to worry about defining your thighs from squats, your bigger worry will be is my left wrist that much bigger than my right and is it noticeable.
5- "The saleswoman said it was for smaller women."
If you want your baby to shed some baby fat, spend a couple of bucks on a nice little fashion piece a couple of sizes out of her reach. If she is thin in your eyes, and the only thing telling her otherwise is a piece of clothing, she'll work morning, noon and night to fit into that cursed thing.
Notice how this idiot says she will work 24/7 to fit into that thing. No she won’t…she will get pissed at you for not paying attention to her and knowing her size. This is going to cost you because when she takes it back she is going to get 5 more things in her size. Serves you right I say for being retarded.
6- "Let's help each other lose a couple of pounds?"
Let's face it. If you tell your girlfriend to lose some weight, she'll withdraw your all-access pass to her wonderful folds. But an honest commitment to work together to become fitter and shed some unwanted girth can only be met with the excitement that your investment in her is the same as what she is willing to invest in you. Losing weight is no small task. Make her sure you're worth it.
This is the only one that is even remotely intelligent. If weight gain bothers you so much this is probably the best approach to take. It’s funny I had a talk with a friend last night about the way I word some things that get me in trouble. If you word you this the way the author said you are going to get in trouble. A better approach is to say something along the lines of “I need to get in shape and I don’t really want to go to the gym alone, will you go with me?” Hell it may not work but at least you won’t be sleeping on the couch for the next two weeks if you word it that way.
The telling thing about this article is I really think it was written by a woman. Which makes it right fucking hysterical, she knows men are not as smart as women and she is just leading the lambs to slaughter…well fear not men JDV is your savior.
Do not follow this article and if you need more proof here is the smoking gun.
“Remember men, to influence her decision to lose weight while avoiding any sore feelings is to make everything about you. How you feel, what you think, what your opinion is; these are the things that will separate you just enough from the battle that is ultimately hers. The minute you make it about what you think she's doing wrong, you're dead meat, and we're all coming after you.”
Even brain dead men know it's always about the woman….lambs to the slaughter I tell ya.
Here is the article…..
Article to get men in trouble
Monday, March 27, 2006
Monday, March 13, 2006
So I Was Over at Vix’s Blog….
I have been reading a lot of blogs lately and quite frankly the majority of them are boring, so what, unless you are a ninja or a porn star life in general is boring. Anyway I read somewhere that the majority of posts start out with “so” or “OK.” I wanted to ensure my first class seat on the cliché ride.
Enough babbling…I read Vix's post about the critique from some blog review site. You know I figured from the attention the reviewer ( I have to add here that I have no idea which one reviewed it and don’t really care, I will get to that in a little while) gave to the template that she would have the apex of templates. Oh how I was wrong.
I go to this site and to my horror I am confronted with Powerpuff Girls…that’s right…I did not stutter…I said…POWERPUFF GIRLS. Powerpuff Girls really wig me out because they look like little superheroes suffering from Down Syndrome. Something else that bothers me is when parents allow their children to cuss like 50 Cent after someone steals his glock…oh wait these people are adults…my mistake.
After the initial Powerpuff shock I notice there is this little template generator that allows me to change templates. The Powerpuff template has to be a joke right? I mean these people are rude, witty, sarcastic, etc. Surely it’s a joke…nope…apparently not.
I’ll get to the other templates in a few minutes. It’s not like you have anywhere else to be.
In the review this person also critiqued the sidebar as well as the names of the sections. Hmmmm…. let’s look at their sidebar, here is the rundown on the named sections of the Powerpuff template:
Puffs My Ass
Shit-Chat
BitchSlapped
I get it; let’s add naughty words to give a rebel feel to our Powerpuff Girl image. Cute! Oh yeah Ike called and said “Bitchslapped” went out about the same time Tina’s career did.
The amount of blinkies and buttons were also mentioned in the review. Here is a quote:
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many buttons and blinkies - it’s a fucking mess.”
Sure you have Ray Charles, look at yours. Your sidebar looks like two kids got into their daddy’s liquor cabinet, got drunk and threw up all over the fucking place.
I just have to ask, what’s up with the guy with that wicked neck problem? A chiropractor could probably “straighten” that out for you. Seriously though… I look at the players and that leads me to a Miss Cleo moment. I picture “Christopher’s Cartoon Angels.”
I click the next template and…..
IT'S CHARLIES ANGELS! I should have played the fucking lottery today. Actually I would have been one number off because it’s not Charlie’s Angels, that guy could be a stunt double for Christopher Lowell. It’s definitely Christopher’s Angels.
Another thing about these templates is the cutesy little way that they change with every page turn. I’m kidding it’s not cute it’s annoying as fuck. I felt like I was stuck in channel surfing hell and the only two channels were Lifetime and Nickelodeon.
I’m bored of the templates; ADD is kicking in, so let’s move on.
I notice a little link at the top of the page that states “We'd like to save you from making yourself look like an idiot.” This should be good.
It’s a list of things the author has so graciously typed out to save me from looking like an idiot. Wow, maybe I should have looked here before I started this post…no I’m good.
Let’s see…
I shall paraphrase, I hope that is OK.
Rule number one to avoid looking like an idiot states:
They all think alike. Looks like I made the right call about not caring which one said what.
Rule number two to avoid looking like an idiot states:
Well it doesn’t really state anything. My only question is, I wonder if Christopher ever gets tired of being called a bitch?
Rule number three to avoid looking look like an idiot states:
Oh it’s a legal one…blah, blah, blah, I do have to quote here:
“If you see your pathetic blog here being reviewed by someone against your will there isn't anything legally you can do about it.”
Amen sista preach on!
Rule number four to avoid looking like an idiot states:
Not important. It just basically says that they have the right to run off at the mouth.
Now this is the interesting one…
Rule number five to avoid looking like an idiot states:
The “bitches” don’t list their personal blogs. The reason for this is the sidebar is too long as it is… gotcha! The telling thing about this is... even though she offers to give up her “other blog” if you ask she is pretty defensive about it, almost to the point of being violent. Here is another quote from Hostile Nancy:
“I am the same exact person on this blog that I am in real life. Wanna try me? Come over. I'll bitch slap you at my fucking door.”
Tell you what “fists of fury” I’ll warn the Witnesses and the pizza delivery man about you greeting with a bitch slap. How about that? In rule number 4 she claims she isn’t bitter or angry…again…gothca!
She goes on to say the other bitches may or may not give up their blogs for you to read. This doesn’t surprise me because after a little further research I am here to debunk “the long side bar” theory.
In her diatribe Hostile Nancy writes:
“I'm not taking up another fucking mile to put each bitches personal information on it.”
Fair enough but bullshit. There is a “more about us” section that details the personality of each contributor to the site. Hey look…you could put links to your blogs there! The problem with the ever expanding side bar is solved…you’re welcome.
The truth is you do not want to “see your pathetic blog being reviewed against your will.”
I have to admit I did not read any other reviews because the one that I read was so asinine. The only thing that you are qualified to review is colon polyps, because your head is stuck so far up your ass.
Enough babbling…I read Vix's post about the critique from some blog review site. You know I figured from the attention the reviewer ( I have to add here that I have no idea which one reviewed it and don’t really care, I will get to that in a little while) gave to the template that she would have the apex of templates. Oh how I was wrong.
I go to this site and to my horror I am confronted with Powerpuff Girls…that’s right…I did not stutter…I said…POWERPUFF GIRLS. Powerpuff Girls really wig me out because they look like little superheroes suffering from Down Syndrome. Something else that bothers me is when parents allow their children to cuss like 50 Cent after someone steals his glock…oh wait these people are adults…my mistake.
After the initial Powerpuff shock I notice there is this little template generator that allows me to change templates. The Powerpuff template has to be a joke right? I mean these people are rude, witty, sarcastic, etc. Surely it’s a joke…nope…apparently not.
I’ll get to the other templates in a few minutes. It’s not like you have anywhere else to be.
In the review this person also critiqued the sidebar as well as the names of the sections. Hmmmm…. let’s look at their sidebar, here is the rundown on the named sections of the Powerpuff template:
Puffs My Ass
Shit-Chat
BitchSlapped
I get it; let’s add naughty words to give a rebel feel to our Powerpuff Girl image. Cute! Oh yeah Ike called and said “Bitchslapped” went out about the same time Tina’s career did.
The amount of blinkies and buttons were also mentioned in the review. Here is a quote:
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many buttons and blinkies - it’s a fucking mess.”
Sure you have Ray Charles, look at yours. Your sidebar looks like two kids got into their daddy’s liquor cabinet, got drunk and threw up all over the fucking place.
I just have to ask, what’s up with the guy with that wicked neck problem? A chiropractor could probably “straighten” that out for you. Seriously though… I look at the players and that leads me to a Miss Cleo moment. I picture “Christopher’s Cartoon Angels.”
I click the next template and…..
IT'S CHARLIES ANGELS! I should have played the fucking lottery today. Actually I would have been one number off because it’s not Charlie’s Angels, that guy could be a stunt double for Christopher Lowell. It’s definitely Christopher’s Angels.
Another thing about these templates is the cutesy little way that they change with every page turn. I’m kidding it’s not cute it’s annoying as fuck. I felt like I was stuck in channel surfing hell and the only two channels were Lifetime and Nickelodeon.
I’m bored of the templates; ADD is kicking in, so let’s move on.
I notice a little link at the top of the page that states “We'd like to save you from making yourself look like an idiot.” This should be good.
It’s a list of things the author has so graciously typed out to save me from looking like an idiot. Wow, maybe I should have looked here before I started this post…no I’m good.
Let’s see…
I shall paraphrase, I hope that is OK.
Rule number one to avoid looking like an idiot states:
They all think alike. Looks like I made the right call about not caring which one said what.
Rule number two to avoid looking like an idiot states:
Well it doesn’t really state anything. My only question is, I wonder if Christopher ever gets tired of being called a bitch?
Rule number three to avoid looking look like an idiot states:
Oh it’s a legal one…blah, blah, blah, I do have to quote here:
“If you see your pathetic blog here being reviewed by someone against your will there isn't anything legally you can do about it.”
Amen sista preach on!
Rule number four to avoid looking like an idiot states:
Not important. It just basically says that they have the right to run off at the mouth.
Now this is the interesting one…
Rule number five to avoid looking like an idiot states:
The “bitches” don’t list their personal blogs. The reason for this is the sidebar is too long as it is… gotcha! The telling thing about this is... even though she offers to give up her “other blog” if you ask she is pretty defensive about it, almost to the point of being violent. Here is another quote from Hostile Nancy:
“I am the same exact person on this blog that I am in real life. Wanna try me? Come over. I'll bitch slap you at my fucking door.”
Tell you what “fists of fury” I’ll warn the Witnesses and the pizza delivery man about you greeting with a bitch slap. How about that? In rule number 4 she claims she isn’t bitter or angry…again…gothca!
She goes on to say the other bitches may or may not give up their blogs for you to read. This doesn’t surprise me because after a little further research I am here to debunk “the long side bar” theory.
In her diatribe Hostile Nancy writes:
“I'm not taking up another fucking mile to put each bitches personal information on it.”
Fair enough but bullshit. There is a “more about us” section that details the personality of each contributor to the site. Hey look…you could put links to your blogs there! The problem with the ever expanding side bar is solved…you’re welcome.
The truth is you do not want to “see your pathetic blog being reviewed against your will.”
I have to admit I did not read any other reviews because the one that I read was so asinine. The only thing that you are qualified to review is colon polyps, because your head is stuck so far up your ass.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
MySpace Is Not Part of the Curriculum
I was surfing the tech section on USA Today and came across this article, Myspace Drama!
OK first off I realize kids today are spawns of Satan. So any type of threat needs to be looked at carefully. With that being said, the schools do not raise your fucking children even though some parents would like for them to.
It's been a while since I was in school, but when I was there you got suspended for shit that you did while IN school. You got your ass beat for shit you did at home. It is insane to suspend students for joining some stupid I Hate "insert name here” group. Hey, the girl may be a bitch, you never know. I hate many people, in fact I really hate Bob Saget...I would join a "I Hate Bob Saget" group. If the leader of this group decides one day that they want to post a message about ripping Mr' Saget's nightmarish head off of his body and sticking it up his ass it does not mean I agree with it. Kids are impressionable but I highly doubt this little retard has the charisma of Jim Jones.
This is no different. The kids joined a I Hate so and so group, so fucking what...kids are cruel, this isn't breaking news. The group can be easily deleted. Those kids should not be suspended. Now the kid that started the group has issues, his parents should deal with him...not the school. Expelling this kid is going to do absolutely nothing but make him more of a degenerate. The school is taking the easy way out by washing their hands of the situation. This kid may need help or he may just be expressing himself in a way that is not acceptable. Either way, talk to the fucking kid; he did nothing at school so he shouldn't be expelled. Hell, I would probably be a 35 year old junior in high school if that logic was used for shit that I did at home away from school. Give me a fucking break.
I really think the parents of the suspended students should start a I Hate "whatever that principle's name is" group, because he is a mean doodie-head.
OK first off I realize kids today are spawns of Satan. So any type of threat needs to be looked at carefully. With that being said, the schools do not raise your fucking children even though some parents would like for them to.
It's been a while since I was in school, but when I was there you got suspended for shit that you did while IN school. You got your ass beat for shit you did at home. It is insane to suspend students for joining some stupid I Hate "insert name here” group. Hey, the girl may be a bitch, you never know. I hate many people, in fact I really hate Bob Saget...I would join a "I Hate Bob Saget" group. If the leader of this group decides one day that they want to post a message about ripping Mr' Saget's nightmarish head off of his body and sticking it up his ass it does not mean I agree with it. Kids are impressionable but I highly doubt this little retard has the charisma of Jim Jones.
This is no different. The kids joined a I Hate so and so group, so fucking what...kids are cruel, this isn't breaking news. The group can be easily deleted. Those kids should not be suspended. Now the kid that started the group has issues, his parents should deal with him...not the school. Expelling this kid is going to do absolutely nothing but make him more of a degenerate. The school is taking the easy way out by washing their hands of the situation. This kid may need help or he may just be expressing himself in a way that is not acceptable. Either way, talk to the fucking kid; he did nothing at school so he shouldn't be expelled. Hell, I would probably be a 35 year old junior in high school if that logic was used for shit that I did at home away from school. Give me a fucking break.
I really think the parents of the suspended students should start a I Hate "whatever that principle's name is" group, because he is a mean doodie-head.
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