So I Was Over at Vix’s Blog….

I have been reading a lot of blogs lately and quite frankly the majority of them are boring, so what, unless you are a ninja or a porn star life in general is boring. Anyway I read somewhere that the majority of posts start out with “so” or “OK.” I wanted to ensure my first class seat on the cliché ride.

Enough babbling…I read Vix's post about the critique from some blog review site. You know I figured from the attention the reviewer ( I have to add here that I have no idea which one reviewed it and don’t really care, I will get to that in a little while) gave to the template that she would have the apex of templates. Oh how I was wrong.

I go to this site and to my horror I am confronted with Powerpuff Girls…that’s right…I did not stutter…I said…POWERPUFF GIRLS. Powerpuff Girls really wig me out because they look like little superheroes suffering from Down Syndrome. Something else that bothers me is when parents allow their children to cuss like 50 Cent after someone steals his glock…oh wait these people are adults…my mistake.

After the initial Powerpuff shock I notice there is this little template generator that allows me to change templates. The Powerpuff template has to be a joke right? I mean these people are rude, witty, sarcastic, etc. Surely it’s a joke…nope…apparently not.

I’ll get to the other templates in a few minutes. It’s not like you have anywhere else to be.

In the review this person also critiqued the sidebar as well as the names of the sections. Hmmmm…. let’s look at their sidebar, here is the rundown on the named sections of the Powerpuff template:

Puffs My Ass
Shit-Chat
BitchSlapped

I get it; let’s add naughty words to give a rebel feel to our Powerpuff Girl image. Cute! Oh yeah Ike called and said “Bitchslapped” went out about the same time Tina’s career did.

The amount of blinkies and buttons were also mentioned in the review. Here is a quote:

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many buttons and blinkies - it’s a fucking mess.”

Sure you have Ray Charles, look at yours. Your sidebar looks like two kids got into their daddy’s liquor cabinet, got drunk and threw up all over the fucking place.

I just have to ask, what’s up with the guy with that wicked neck problem? A chiropractor could probably “straighten” that out for you. Seriously though… I look at the players and that leads me to a Miss Cleo moment. I picture “Christopher’s Cartoon Angels.”

I click the next template and…..

IT'S CHARLIES ANGELS! I should have played the fucking lottery today. Actually I would have been one number off because it’s not Charlie’s Angels, that guy could be a stunt double for Christopher Lowell. It’s definitely Christopher’s Angels.

Another thing about these templates is the cutesy little way that they change with every page turn. I’m kidding it’s not cute it’s annoying as fuck. I felt like I was stuck in channel surfing hell and the only two channels were Lifetime and Nickelodeon.

I’m bored of the templates; ADD is kicking in, so let’s move on.

I notice a little link at the top of the page that states “We'd like to save you from making yourself look like an idiot.” This should be good.

It’s a list of things the author has so graciously typed out to save me from looking like an idiot. Wow, maybe I should have looked here before I started this post…no I’m good.

Let’s see…

I shall paraphrase, I hope that is OK.

Rule number one to avoid looking like an idiot states:

They all think alike. Looks like I made the right call about not caring which one said what.

Rule number two to avoid looking like an idiot states:

Well it doesn’t really state anything. My only question is, I wonder if Christopher ever gets tired of being called a bitch?

Rule number three to avoid looking look like an idiot states:

Oh it’s a legal one…blah, blah, blah, I do have to quote here:

“If you see your pathetic blog here being reviewed by someone against your will there isn't anything legally you can do about it.”

Amen sista preach on!

Rule number four to avoid looking like an idiot states:

Not important. It just basically says that they have the right to run off at the mouth.

Now this is the interesting one…

Rule number five to avoid looking like an idiot states:

The “bitches” don’t list their personal blogs. The reason for this is the sidebar is too long as it is… gotcha! The telling thing about this is... even though she offers to give up her “other blog” if you ask she is pretty defensive about it, almost to the point of being violent. Here is another quote from Hostile Nancy:

“I am the same exact person on this blog that I am in real life. Wanna try me? Come over. I'll bitch slap you at my fucking door.”

Tell you what “fists of fury” I’ll warn the Witnesses and the pizza delivery man about you greeting with a bitch slap. How about that? In rule number 4 she claims she isn’t bitter or angry…again…gothca!

She goes on to say the other bitches may or may not give up their blogs for you to read. This doesn’t surprise me because after a little further research I am here to debunk “the long side bar” theory.

In her diatribe Hostile Nancy writes:

“I'm not taking up another fucking mile to put each bitches personal information on it.”

Fair enough but bullshit. There is a “more about us” section that details the personality of each contributor to the site. Hey look…you could put links to your blogs there! The problem with the ever expanding side bar is solved…you’re welcome.

The truth is you do not want to “see your pathetic blog being reviewed against your will.”

I have to admit I did not read any other reviews because the one that I read was so asinine. The only thing that you are qualified to review is colon polyps, because your head is stuck so far up your ass.