Darwin Was Wrong: A Non- American in Retardland

Today kids we are going to talk about why it is important that you keep your mouth shut if you do not know what you are talking about.

I was perusing message boards the other night when I came across this discussion about the United States and the way the world views the residents of the great United States. I have to say the discussion was about as exciting as watching two armless Chinese men trying to play ping pong. However, there was one gem of a post by a complete idiot, who obviously was just typing to see his font. This post was so ridiculous that it is going to make this blog. I will dissect this train wreck as if my name was Quincy, M.E.

Let’s start:

Well, Americans on the whole have a distorted view of America and it's standing in the world because you all get force fed such blatant propaganda over there.

So, what this idiot is trying to tell me is that he has a better view of America not being an American. That’s like me saying, I am not a midget but I feel your pain for not being able to reach the water fountain. But, it gets better I am so glad that he enlightened me, I was so weighted down with all of the propaganda. I can sleep well now knowing that the people of the Middle East really don’t hate me.

Naturally my view, not being American, will be somewhat polarised, simplistic, but I am aware that I don't see the full picture, I know for sure that Americans don't always see the full picture either.

So he apologizes for being ignorant ahead of time, yet it does not stop him. He needs to become aware of comprehendible sentences. If he is having such a hard time seeing the full picture, I would like to suggest a new widescreen TV. I’m all about helping others out.

My view for what it's worth, is that there are basically two Americas, you've got you're mid west and deep south, which is kind of slow and nice, honourable, decent, but in a really odd kind of fascist way, very judgemental about right and wrongs...

His view seems to be worth about as much as a Joe Montana rookie card with four torn corners and a huge crease do the middle. He is right though; there are two Americas, North and South. By him mentioning “kind of slow and nice”, I can tell that he has visited West Virginia but nowhere else. What about those Damn Yankees? He is so in tune with the US, how could he forget the northerners? I bet if asked, he would say that he isn’t a baseball fan.

Then you've got the Atlantic and Pacific Coasts, which seem to have more brains, are less reactive, more reflective, and realise that certain things are fucked up and are kind of indignant but still resigned to it, and contend themselves with the knowledge that they as individuals are cool and are not as stupid as the rest of America seems to be.


Can you believe this mental Bridget? (Time out! Bridget is a midget porn star for those of you that do not know.) Why Bridget you ask? Well….he sure does whine like a pussy. Let me get this right, he thinks just because you live on the coast that you have more “brains”.

Off Topic Rant* Why in the fuck do the intellectually challenged use the phrase “more brains”? Everyone has 1, count it, ONE fucking brain! No more, no less. There are different degrees of intellect though…. segue back to the topic at hand….

It’s obvious he has never been to Hollywood. The only thing rarer there than “brains” is virginity. This fool has the audacity to hint that America is stupid. That is like Mable on What’s Happening calling Shirley fat. My neighbor is smarter than this idiot and he fried his brain years ago on acid.

Now onto his views on our health, I can’t make this shit up. I really wish that I could.

As for you all being fat, no, it seems to be that over there, there are a lot of unhealthy foods which are very profitable, agressively marketed, and it does show around some of your waistlines, but equally some of you take better care of yourselves and look great.

It warms me so to know that an idiotic Brit is concerned about our health. Newsflash for you…crack is very profitable, it is aggressively marketed and it makes you skinny like Karen Carpenter. I could say something about Brits and toothpaste at this point, but I won’t.

You can read the whole clusterfuck here:

http://p201.ezboard.com/fsafefrm16.showMessage?topicID=5536.topic

It never ceases to amaze me that some of the most stupid people have the most to say. I guess it is because they are too fucking stupid to realize that they are coming off as well…stupid.

You see this guy obviously has a low level job and by his disdain for fatty food I would assume that he works in fast food. That is something I know nothing about. I would never attempt to lecture on when to Super-Size and when not to. That’s because I have “more brains”.

Until next time

Scarf down a Big Mac and kindly give the fat finger to foreigners.